Paleo

On monday, so five days ago, I started eating Paleo.

This also had a lot to do (well, everything, really) with my aforementioned aunt.

I live on campus at my school and am kinda tied down to a food plan. Without a kitchen or a reliable, large enough refrigerator. But, I was determined to do it. I wanted to feel better about my body and my food choices and yes, lose some weight. Hopefully.

I soon figured out that with my schedule and resources it would be extra tough.

There aren't very many dairy, legume, and grain free options on campus. And throwing no sugar/sweetener added into there didn't help the cause either. I would find an option, only to find out after a small inspection that there were starches in there. No good. Or that there was some cheese. No good either. Or that there was some sort of grain or legume in the ingredients list. I was very disheartened. All I wanted to do was stick to my 30-day challenge and start feeling better! But it was so much harder than it had to be. However, my body did feel better. I woke up and it felt good. My tummy wasn't bloated or my head wasn't achy and I didn't mind the challenge quite so much. 

And it was only the first few days!

But.

Last night I had a huge lapse. 

And it was terrible.

There was ice cream and some cookies involved.

Which, interestingly enough, I rarely let myself eat the past few months before I started Paleo.

I woke up this morning feeling sick and like I was hungover.

And I was hungover. From so much sugar! My head hurts and my body feels so tired.

Plus, to top it all off with a forbidden maraschino cherry, I'm really disappointed in myself.

I just want to have self-control and feel good.

And lose weight in a healthy, safe way.

But I totally screwed up.

I wasn't even that far in, but now I have to start all over from scratch. 

And it really makes me sad.

I don't know what to do.

This is pretty challenging to do while living on campus with a food plan, but if I give up, does that mean I'm a quitter? The last thing I want to be is a stupid, lacking self-control, disappointing, quitter.

I need some answers.

A Step in Her Footstep

My aunt is one of my favorite people in the whole world.

(Along with many others who may read this-- love you too!)

But back to my aunt.

She's such a beautifully kind human being and I love her so much.

In my life I don't have very many positive role models. At least not living, breathing, tangible ones. Or ones that I can call my friend, my teacher, my family. But she is all of those things.

I'd always been interested in yoga and then my aunt was certified and I learned more about the practice and developed even more of an interest.

The catalyst to my passion for yoga came when I was hospitalized last March. That was an extremely rough time for me and maybe some of the people around me as well. One day while I was there, it was a Friday and apparently that meant it was also "Video Fitness Day." A yoga video was one of the options and I adamantly tried to convince some of the other patients to choose that one. We did. After it was over, I felt calm. And relaxed. And better about myself for a moment. And like my shoulders weren't weighted quite so much. All feelings I hadn't had in a long time.

It meant the world.

And I knew yoga was for me that day.

Soon after my release from the hospital I took measures to get enrolled in a yoga class. I took the class for a few weeks and into an even deeper love I fell. 

It even gave me the desire to someday get certified myself and pay it forward to others like myself who need yoga in their lives.

Now several months later, while this wonderful aunt of mine was visiting me at school, we went to a new yoga studio. The Funky Buddha Yoga Hothouse. Needless to say it's an amazing studio with very inspiring teachers. My friend Katie joined us and we all fell in love.

My wish to be a yoga teacher has intensified and someday I hope to save up to study under Baptiste. (Also, just for an update, I recently changed my major to photography.)

The past few days I've even had sugarplum daydreams about being a part-time yoga instructor and photographer. About being happy with two things that make me passionate and feel good.

That would be nice.

And I owe it to my aunt for encouraging me to pursue yoga, to go for what I love.

She's changed my life.

And along with that, the presence of her family in both mine and my sister's lives.

It's eye-opening to see such love and goodness in one family.

To feel so cared about when they really don't have to.

To feel welcomed.

To feel like a part of the family.

You guys mean a lot to me.

Thank you. For everything.

All because one day in a movie theatre she sat next to my uncle.

I thank my lucky stars for her wonderful presence.

I love you, Auntie.

Downtown

This weekend I ventured to downtown Grand Rapids for the annual art fair Art Prize.

It was amazing. Never knew Michigan could be so cool.

I still want to move away after college, but it was nice to know.

My friend Katie and I walked around for a couple hours and just soaked in the lovely blue sky, the sound of the river slowly flowing by and all of the impressively beautiful art scattered all around the city.

This painting is called "Ceremony of the Oracle"- one of my favorite works of art at the festival. It took the artist 3,000 hours and an entire year to complete it. The picture doesn't do much justice. The detail is incredible and I was and still am so impressed.

This is a close-up of the top of my other favorite work of art. Called "The Three of Re-Life" made from all recycled materials and the details on this one were so amazing.

You can't see the skeleton holding a butterfly, the turtle, platypus, or any of the other little details that made it so special, but it still is amazing. I've always wanted to learn metalworking, but this experience only made it an even bigger goal.

This sculpture was HUGE. It's a dog and his ball made out of all old car parts.

The festival was so much fun and I wish I could've stayed there the entire day. Creativity inspires me and it makes me happy. Maybe it's about time I start on a project of my own.

Living the [College] Life

So as you all know, I'm currently studying at a university. Grand Valley State.

I love it here.

The campus is gorgeous- rolling hills and trees and forestry everywhere you look. 

My classes are great. My Spanish professor has even grown on me quite a bit. 

I wrote my first college paper, spent several hours researching/writing it and got the full points! I was so proud; I'd never put that much work into a paper before.

I also had my first test- and did well on that too! I was so happy.

My new job at Croutons- the salad place at the downtown campus- is awesome. Interacting with customers is so much fun and it's a huge plus that my two co-workers are really, really cool and easy going. So lucky!

Several really good friends have come into my life. Two of them live right down the hall and the other three live on the floor above me. It's great.

Not yet, but I have plans to get involved with the yoga club. I know a certain loved one will approve of that!

And... I'm having a splendid time. I feel incredibly joyous about where my life is and is heading. 

Christmas

Christmas.

I know I'm jumping the gun on this one, but I really can't wait for the holiday season to begin.

About two weeks ago, I started college.

I absolutely love it...

For the most part.

I've never been a big home-body and, in fact, had always thought of homesickness as something completely foreign and out of reach for me.

I also have never (beside my first 21 months of life, which I don't remember at all) lived without my best friend: my sister.

So this whole college thing has been a lot of firsts for me. 

First home away from home, time living with someone I don't know, first sleeping on a top bunk, homesickness, first experience with 100% complete independence. 

I've been loving that last one.

If my heart desires to go on a walk, I go.

Perhaps I'm feeling hungry, I venture to grab a bite of delicious (and sustainable!) food.

I've also been eating much healthier than I did at home.

But.

I miss my old roommates.

My mom and my sister and my kitty.

They were the best.

If there was some way to work out them coming to live here with me at college, everything would be perfect! However, that isn't possible.

So, I'm looking forward to the hugs that don't come so often anymore and the warmth and smells of home. Everything will be that much sweeter and I'm tickled that it's not all that far away.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying myself at college. It's just a tad bittersweet.

Into the second week of school, I really like all of my classes. I'm nowhere near deciding on a major yet, but I'm at least a teeny bit closer.

Here's what I, and the help of some websites- have come up with:

Photography

Clinical Psychology

Graphic Design

English

History

(Insert other possibilities here)

Now obviously those are all just fields of study with various different career choices within them. I still haven't been able to narrow down or delve into them any further. That's where some help from the people who know- and love- me might do me some good. 

And, since I've been pondering the holidays so much, my brain has formulated a bit of a Christmas gift idea list. I love making lists, so here's the latest:

X-Mas List:

50mm 1.4 canon lens

B&W 35mm film for my camera

Diana deluxe set

H&M gift card (this store has slowly been creeping up on my love for Forever 21)

Shirt-waist dress, or anything full-skirted and to at least knee-length

Hats

Of course, this is mainly just for fun- and to ensure I don't forget it all.

In case it wasn't as glaringly obvious as I think it was, the list is very camera-themed. I've been feeling very photographer-ish lately.

I'm lovin it.

I'm also really loving that autumn is practically here!

My favorite season.

Happy fall!

It was 3:21 in the July afternoon.

Yesterday was my birthday.

And it was fabulous.

I celebrated it here in Texas. It's so nice being in the Lone Star state. 

A lot of people from my high school would always ask me in a judgmental tone, "Why do you like it there? What's so great about Texas?" It really bothered me. Especially because none of them had ever even been here before. To me Texas is wonderful for a lot of reasons. The biggest one being that a lot of dear friends and family live here. Emphasis on the latter. My favorite aunt and uncle- the long distance members of my family that make the greatest effort to see me- live here and made my birthday the best one I remember ever having. They woke my up yesterday morning while singing "Happy Birthday" and when I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see forty-nine assorted colors of balloons, my usual order from Starbucks sitting on the table next to my bed and two presents wrapped in eco-friendly Little Mermaid wrapping paper. It was a wonderful start to a fantastic day! 

Then we continued the day by going to Potbelly for lunch, the outlets for an afternoon of shopping, driving past a beautiful rainbow, going to one of my favorite places for dinner with my extended *family* that I love spending time with, a yoga class, then opening the rest of my presents after a Marble Slab ice cream cake with some very exhausting trick candles. I'm so happy that I was born into such a loving family that makes me feel so special and appreciated. Thank you guys.

These Times Better Be A-Changin'

Since school got out on May 20th, a lot and little has happened. 

My two favorite Texans came for a visit. It was great fun. 

My sciatic nerve got "pinched" and I've been hobbling around and trying desperately to exercise without being completely miserable. It's nearly impossible on some days. Oh, and according to my chiropractor (and an X-ray) the lower half of my spine curves to one side. 

A bit like this (although I don't have scoliosis like this pictures suggests the subject does):

I got my dorm assignments- yesterday. And I'm a lot disappointed. I didn't get my preferred choice of dorm style. So instead of living in a quad with three roommates and a shared bathroom for the four of us I'm living in a boring and sad traditional living center with only one roommate and a so-called semi-private bathroom down the hall. And petty as it may sound, I'm afraid that my roommate is going to be prettier than me and one of those beautiful girls who feels as though she can be mean and get away with it. I have no idea what she's like or what she looks like, but her name is Adrianna. Yes, I'm judging a book by its cover. Sorry guys but, I can't help but get a vision in my head about what someone is like by simply hearing their name. I hope she's nice. And that I'm not a socially awkward penguin.

I've watched several really wonderful movies and documentaries. And have been discovering- and I use that term very loosely- some really good music. Or stumbling upon it from my itunes account.

Some of my girl friends and I have been rediscovering how much fun a sleepover can be. And rediscovering how uncomfortable it is to sleep on the floor. 

Up until about two weeks ago I had never seen any of the X-men movies. Well, now I've seen all of them including the newly released in theatres X-Men First Class. Oh my that is a phenomenal film. My favorite of all of them so far. 

My insecurities have rooted themselves in pretty deep. It definitely doesn't help that it's ninety degrees outside and anyone and everyone is wearing vagina shorts and spaghetti straps. Even back when I was in prime shape I felt uncomfortable wearing such little clothing. I don't care how hot it is. Some things should be covered and left to the imagination.

I've been going on dates! One of my very best friend's brother and I have been hanging out and getting to know each other. The most recently was a nearly three hour game of scrabble. The last time I played was over a year ago and hadn't played for years previous to that time. In a game where practice makes skilled, I had a terrible disadvantage. I should probably get my embarrassing words to myself, but they're entertaining in the least. I played the words: lieu, crate, too, dozen, jar, whore, grip, voices and that's all I can remember. Dozen being my highest-scoring word. Nevertheless it was fun even though I got beat.

And I've been melancholy quite often. I'm hoping that will change soon.