Paleo

On monday, so five days ago, I started eating Paleo.

This also had a lot to do (well, everything, really) with my aforementioned aunt.

I live on campus at my school and am kinda tied down to a food plan. Without a kitchen or a reliable, large enough refrigerator. But, I was determined to do it. I wanted to feel better about my body and my food choices and yes, lose some weight. Hopefully.

I soon figured out that with my schedule and resources it would be extra tough.

There aren't very many dairy, legume, and grain free options on campus. And throwing no sugar/sweetener added into there didn't help the cause either. I would find an option, only to find out after a small inspection that there were starches in there. No good. Or that there was some cheese. No good either. Or that there was some sort of grain or legume in the ingredients list. I was very disheartened. All I wanted to do was stick to my 30-day challenge and start feeling better! But it was so much harder than it had to be. However, my body did feel better. I woke up and it felt good. My tummy wasn't bloated or my head wasn't achy and I didn't mind the challenge quite so much. 

And it was only the first few days!

But.

Last night I had a huge lapse. 

And it was terrible.

There was ice cream and some cookies involved.

Which, interestingly enough, I rarely let myself eat the past few months before I started Paleo.

I woke up this morning feeling sick and like I was hungover.

And I was hungover. From so much sugar! My head hurts and my body feels so tired.

Plus, to top it all off with a forbidden maraschino cherry, I'm really disappointed in myself.

I just want to have self-control and feel good.

And lose weight in a healthy, safe way.

But I totally screwed up.

I wasn't even that far in, but now I have to start all over from scratch. 

And it really makes me sad.

I don't know what to do.

This is pretty challenging to do while living on campus with a food plan, but if I give up, does that mean I'm a quitter? The last thing I want to be is a stupid, lacking self-control, disappointing, quitter.

I need some answers.

A Step in Her Footstep

My aunt is one of my favorite people in the whole world.

(Along with many others who may read this-- love you too!)

But back to my aunt.

She's such a beautifully kind human being and I love her so much.

In my life I don't have very many positive role models. At least not living, breathing, tangible ones. Or ones that I can call my friend, my teacher, my family. But she is all of those things.

I'd always been interested in yoga and then my aunt was certified and I learned more about the practice and developed even more of an interest.

The catalyst to my passion for yoga came when I was hospitalized last March. That was an extremely rough time for me and maybe some of the people around me as well. One day while I was there, it was a Friday and apparently that meant it was also "Video Fitness Day." A yoga video was one of the options and I adamantly tried to convince some of the other patients to choose that one. We did. After it was over, I felt calm. And relaxed. And better about myself for a moment. And like my shoulders weren't weighted quite so much. All feelings I hadn't had in a long time.

It meant the world.

And I knew yoga was for me that day.

Soon after my release from the hospital I took measures to get enrolled in a yoga class. I took the class for a few weeks and into an even deeper love I fell. 

It even gave me the desire to someday get certified myself and pay it forward to others like myself who need yoga in their lives.

Now several months later, while this wonderful aunt of mine was visiting me at school, we went to a new yoga studio. The Funky Buddha Yoga Hothouse. Needless to say it's an amazing studio with very inspiring teachers. My friend Katie joined us and we all fell in love.

My wish to be a yoga teacher has intensified and someday I hope to save up to study under Baptiste. (Also, just for an update, I recently changed my major to photography.)

The past few days I've even had sugarplum daydreams about being a part-time yoga instructor and photographer. About being happy with two things that make me passionate and feel good.

That would be nice.

And I owe it to my aunt for encouraging me to pursue yoga, to go for what I love.

She's changed my life.

And along with that, the presence of her family in both mine and my sister's lives.

It's eye-opening to see such love and goodness in one family.

To feel so cared about when they really don't have to.

To feel welcomed.

To feel like a part of the family.

You guys mean a lot to me.

Thank you. For everything.

All because one day in a movie theatre she sat next to my uncle.

I thank my lucky stars for her wonderful presence.

I love you, Auntie.

Downtown

This weekend I ventured to downtown Grand Rapids for the annual art fair Art Prize.

It was amazing. Never knew Michigan could be so cool.

I still want to move away after college, but it was nice to know.

My friend Katie and I walked around for a couple hours and just soaked in the lovely blue sky, the sound of the river slowly flowing by and all of the impressively beautiful art scattered all around the city.

This painting is called "Ceremony of the Oracle"- one of my favorite works of art at the festival. It took the artist 3,000 hours and an entire year to complete it. The picture doesn't do much justice. The detail is incredible and I was and still am so impressed.

This is a close-up of the top of my other favorite work of art. Called "The Three of Re-Life" made from all recycled materials and the details on this one were so amazing.

You can't see the skeleton holding a butterfly, the turtle, platypus, or any of the other little details that made it so special, but it still is amazing. I've always wanted to learn metalworking, but this experience only made it an even bigger goal.

This sculpture was HUGE. It's a dog and his ball made out of all old car parts.

The festival was so much fun and I wish I could've stayed there the entire day. Creativity inspires me and it makes me happy. Maybe it's about time I start on a project of my own.

Living the [College] Life

So as you all know, I'm currently studying at a university. Grand Valley State.

I love it here.

The campus is gorgeous- rolling hills and trees and forestry everywhere you look. 

My classes are great. My Spanish professor has even grown on me quite a bit. 

I wrote my first college paper, spent several hours researching/writing it and got the full points! I was so proud; I'd never put that much work into a paper before.

I also had my first test- and did well on that too! I was so happy.

My new job at Croutons- the salad place at the downtown campus- is awesome. Interacting with customers is so much fun and it's a huge plus that my two co-workers are really, really cool and easy going. So lucky!

Several really good friends have come into my life. Two of them live right down the hall and the other three live on the floor above me. It's great.

Not yet, but I have plans to get involved with the yoga club. I know a certain loved one will approve of that!

And... I'm having a splendid time. I feel incredibly joyous about where my life is and is heading. 

Christmas

Christmas.

I know I'm jumping the gun on this one, but I really can't wait for the holiday season to begin.

About two weeks ago, I started college.

I absolutely love it...

For the most part.

I've never been a big home-body and, in fact, had always thought of homesickness as something completely foreign and out of reach for me.

I also have never (beside my first 21 months of life, which I don't remember at all) lived without my best friend: my sister.

So this whole college thing has been a lot of firsts for me. 

First home away from home, time living with someone I don't know, first sleeping on a top bunk, homesickness, first experience with 100% complete independence. 

I've been loving that last one.

If my heart desires to go on a walk, I go.

Perhaps I'm feeling hungry, I venture to grab a bite of delicious (and sustainable!) food.

I've also been eating much healthier than I did at home.

But.

I miss my old roommates.

My mom and my sister and my kitty.

They were the best.

If there was some way to work out them coming to live here with me at college, everything would be perfect! However, that isn't possible.

So, I'm looking forward to the hugs that don't come so often anymore and the warmth and smells of home. Everything will be that much sweeter and I'm tickled that it's not all that far away.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying myself at college. It's just a tad bittersweet.

Into the second week of school, I really like all of my classes. I'm nowhere near deciding on a major yet, but I'm at least a teeny bit closer.

Here's what I, and the help of some websites- have come up with:

Photography

Clinical Psychology

Graphic Design

English

History

(Insert other possibilities here)

Now obviously those are all just fields of study with various different career choices within them. I still haven't been able to narrow down or delve into them any further. That's where some help from the people who know- and love- me might do me some good. 

And, since I've been pondering the holidays so much, my brain has formulated a bit of a Christmas gift idea list. I love making lists, so here's the latest:

X-Mas List:

50mm 1.4 canon lens

B&W 35mm film for my camera

Diana deluxe set

H&M gift card (this store has slowly been creeping up on my love for Forever 21)

Shirt-waist dress, or anything full-skirted and to at least knee-length

Hats

Of course, this is mainly just for fun- and to ensure I don't forget it all.

In case it wasn't as glaringly obvious as I think it was, the list is very camera-themed. I've been feeling very photographer-ish lately.

I'm lovin it.

I'm also really loving that autumn is practically here!

My favorite season.

Happy fall!

It was 3:21 in the July afternoon.

Yesterday was my birthday.

And it was fabulous.

I celebrated it here in Texas. It's so nice being in the Lone Star state. 

A lot of people from my high school would always ask me in a judgmental tone, "Why do you like it there? What's so great about Texas?" It really bothered me. Especially because none of them had ever even been here before. To me Texas is wonderful for a lot of reasons. The biggest one being that a lot of dear friends and family live here. Emphasis on the latter. My favorite aunt and uncle- the long distance members of my family that make the greatest effort to see me- live here and made my birthday the best one I remember ever having. They woke my up yesterday morning while singing "Happy Birthday" and when I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see forty-nine assorted colors of balloons, my usual order from Starbucks sitting on the table next to my bed and two presents wrapped in eco-friendly Little Mermaid wrapping paper. It was a wonderful start to a fantastic day! 

Then we continued the day by going to Potbelly for lunch, the outlets for an afternoon of shopping, driving past a beautiful rainbow, going to one of my favorite places for dinner with my extended *family* that I love spending time with, a yoga class, then opening the rest of my presents after a Marble Slab ice cream cake with some very exhausting trick candles. I'm so happy that I was born into such a loving family that makes me feel so special and appreciated. Thank you guys.

These Times Better Be A-Changin'

Since school got out on May 20th, a lot and little has happened. 

My two favorite Texans came for a visit. It was great fun. 

My sciatic nerve got "pinched" and I've been hobbling around and trying desperately to exercise without being completely miserable. It's nearly impossible on some days. Oh, and according to my chiropractor (and an X-ray) the lower half of my spine curves to one side. 

A bit like this (although I don't have scoliosis like this pictures suggests the subject does):

I got my dorm assignments- yesterday. And I'm a lot disappointed. I didn't get my preferred choice of dorm style. So instead of living in a quad with three roommates and a shared bathroom for the four of us I'm living in a boring and sad traditional living center with only one roommate and a so-called semi-private bathroom down the hall. And petty as it may sound, I'm afraid that my roommate is going to be prettier than me and one of those beautiful girls who feels as though she can be mean and get away with it. I have no idea what she's like or what she looks like, but her name is Adrianna. Yes, I'm judging a book by its cover. Sorry guys but, I can't help but get a vision in my head about what someone is like by simply hearing their name. I hope she's nice. And that I'm not a socially awkward penguin.

I've watched several really wonderful movies and documentaries. And have been discovering- and I use that term very loosely- some really good music. Or stumbling upon it from my itunes account.

Some of my girl friends and I have been rediscovering how much fun a sleepover can be. And rediscovering how uncomfortable it is to sleep on the floor. 

Up until about two weeks ago I had never seen any of the X-men movies. Well, now I've seen all of them including the newly released in theatres X-Men First Class. Oh my that is a phenomenal film. My favorite of all of them so far. 

My insecurities have rooted themselves in pretty deep. It definitely doesn't help that it's ninety degrees outside and anyone and everyone is wearing vagina shorts and spaghetti straps. Even back when I was in prime shape I felt uncomfortable wearing such little clothing. I don't care how hot it is. Some things should be covered and left to the imagination.

I've been going on dates! One of my very best friend's brother and I have been hanging out and getting to know each other. The most recently was a nearly three hour game of scrabble. The last time I played was over a year ago and hadn't played for years previous to that time. In a game where practice makes skilled, I had a terrible disadvantage. I should probably get my embarrassing words to myself, but they're entertaining in the least. I played the words: lieu, crate, too, dozen, jar, whore, grip, voices and that's all I can remember. Dozen being my highest-scoring word. Nevertheless it was fun even though I got beat.

And I've been melancholy quite often. I'm hoping that will change soon.

The Good, the Bad and Me.

Needless to say, this week has been a great seven days. 

Lots of love, coffee, great food from Heather's and other fabulous restaurants, tons of yoga, good music and mostly lots of laughter.

But.

Today is the day that my aunt and uncle leave to go back home to Texas.

And I'm sad. 

And that melancholy opened the gateway for my other sad feelings to come out to play.

They'd been on the very far far far back burner all week, put at bay with all of the great fun we'd been having. But still there. 

So, I'm feeling a bit of everything today. Insecure, missing two of the best people I know, disconnected from my friends, and a reserved sadness that the man I'm in love with will never be mine; perhaps that I'll never find that one person I can be with for the rest of my life.

However, I'm also feeling excited for the possibility that the future holds. Weight loss, sunshine, beautiful pictures, fresh faces, living music, developing my yoga practice even further, and maybe even a little love. Who knows?

Some Things Kept

I was looking over old posts of mine and happened upon my post about my New Year's goals. Being that it's almost six months into the new year, I think an update is in order.

For convenience's sake, I'll just repost the list:

  My 2011 Wishes:

1. Taking Yoga classes. An interest of mine never fully pursued. 

2. Go to Peru.

3. Move to a bigger city. Whether it'll be Houston or Grand Rapids, I'm not sure. But it needs to happen.

4. Ace my photography class.

5. Read at least 20 books.

6. Plant a Tree.

7. Adopt another Cactus.

8. Drink more water! I have the terrible habit of letting myself get dehydrated. 

I crossed off the two that have already been completed. In case you're curious my new cactus' name is Rapunzel. I'm sure no one is as interested in cacti as I am. Anyway, to update the list I have plans set in order to move to Allendale/Grand Rapids. I haven't moved yet, but will be in August. Go GVSU! 

I already mentioned that I will no longer be going to Peru. 

I also cannot ace my photography class. With everything that happened three plus months ago I had to drop the class. It was really upsetting but for the best. I learned a lot from the few classes I could go to, though.

I haven't read 20 books yet. However, I have a HUGE list of "To Read" books over this summer. Some of the titles include: Lolita, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, Veronika Decides to Die,  The Road, The Stand, Girl, Interrupted, and Fight Club. In case anyone is interested. 

Before planting a tree, I need to find a place where I can legally plant one. I'm working on it.

And I'm not sure where I stand with the water-drinking. Some days I drink several thousand milliliters out of my camelbak and some days I barely see water. So... who knows about that. I try. Most of the time.

There you have it. 

A Goodbye

Ahhh, so much has happened. 

I had my last ever day of highschool. 

I went to an MEA (Michigan Education Association) rally in Lansing to protest what our terrible governor is doing to all the schools and faculties around the state. 

My beloved Texan aunt and uncle are in town and we've been having a grand time. Dorm room shopping, pottery painting, coffee drinking, superfood eating, and lots of doing yoga. They spoil us rotten. It's been a phenomenal visit so far and we still have four more days. I love them both so so so so so so much!

Tomorrow night is my graduation ceremony. And then I will officially be a high school graduate. Usually that isn't such a huge feat. And it wasn't exactly a huge struggle for me (I'm a magna cum laude graduate). But considering everything that's happened this year and specifically a few months ago, I'm proud of myself for making it. And I have so many people to thank for helping me along the way. My mom, brother and sister, my high school counselor, my above mentioned aunt and uncle, several beloved teachers and friends, my two friends named Emily, and my friends Sarah and Olivia. I love all of them. Thank you all. I love you. 

Goodbye, Highschool. I won't miss you, only some of the people I met and knew because of you. On to new things! I can't wait.

You Drive Me Wild

I've realized that my entries are nothing like I had planned on when I created this blog. I meant to have a picture log with a few entries here and there on my thoughts. Oh well, I guess. I really do mean to take more pictures. Wake up call? Yeah, I think so. For Christmas this year I got a red Holga. For those of you who may not know what a Holga is, it's a plastic, film camera known for vignetting and light leaks. In other words, it makes truly one-of-a-kind photos that you'd have to spend hours trying to create in photoshop. I'm not against digital photography- I love it- I'm just also a big admirer of film.

Anyway, this entry is not really supposed to be about pictures.

I've been having a few spectacular days and a few very dark days in these past two weeks. And that's how it always is with me; two completely polar opposites at the same time. I've been warring inside my head with my identity for my entire life- just as many people do. As days and years go by, people change their minds and their personas and so we just have to keep on accepting these differences and continue to learn who we are throughout our entire life. But, I should get to my own personal point. I have two identities- if that's what they should even be called- that constantly war against each other.

The kind, peaceful, earthy, baby pink, daisy girl who listens to Simon and Garfunkel and the Red Hot Chili Peppers on repeat and likes the acoustic guitar. She likes dancing to latin music, wants her own garden, loves drinking tea and speaking Spanish. She detests swearing, prefers White Oleander and wants to have an art boyfriend. The lady.

 Then there's the other one. 

The dark-eyeshadowed, pink-haired, wild, punky girl who wears a leather jacket and big combat boots. She's the midnight purple, Iggy Pop & the Stooges, Rammstein and The Runaways on repeat with loud, electric guitar dreams. She wants the big, motorcycle boyfriend. She wants to learn the hard consonants of German and Russian, prefers Paint It Black and she doesn't ever want to be vulnerable. The fighter.


I painted my nails three days ago. I couldn't decide between "Aphrodite's Pink Nightie" or "Lincoln Park After Dark" so I painted one hand dark purple and the other pink. 

But can I really have both? 

Sea the foam.

Last night I stayed in and watched Y Tu Mamá También.

It was a really great movie, however, I'm very happy that I watched it alone. Ahem.

But really, it was such a great film.

Luisa, the main female character, said something that I really loved. "Life is like foam, that is why you must become one with the sea." After watching it, I just wanted to pack up and drive to the coast and hurl myself into the sea. Salt and sand and sun. I really want to go to Mexico and swim in the warm, clear ocean water. See the little crabs and creatures crawling along the bottom of the water. This summer, that is my goal: to go to the sea. Maybe not Mexico, but perhaps Galveston or California. 

Sea sea sea.

Salt salt salt.

Sun sun sun.

Fried, poached, and scrambled with salt, pepper and dill.

How do you picture yourself five, ten, fifteen years down the road?

I picture myself alone, except perhaps with a young child- a little girl, most times- and wandering around in a red car, babyseat in the back. I'm somewhere. Maybe in the United States, maybe in Spain or the Netherlands. The important thing is that I'm alone. When I have the chance to picture whatever the heck in the world, or something so out of whack that it wouldn't exist, I see myself alone. That's saying something. Except I don't know what.

Part of me is completely okay- and even happy- with this vision in my head. 

Then the other part, be it half or more or less, is really sad. I don't want to be alone. But I do.

I feel as though that's the only way I'll ever be able to get most of the things I want out of life. The only way I'll ever be able to one hundred percent just be. The only way to be myself. Because I change while in a relationship. Not in the cliche way, "Oh, he changed me!" No. I change myself. I'm still, ultimately, me. Just a few tweaks here and there to make my significant other happier. I make myself into a more perfect version of myself for that person. Perfectionist. Small things like if he says he wants to go to the steakhouse for dinner and I have zero desire to go there, I comply and say, "Of course I'd love to go." with a big smile on my face. Call it phoniness, and perhaps it is, but I don't do it to hurt someone or to deceive. I do it in hopes of making that person happy. And sure, giving in for someone you love is a good thing, an imperative thing- if you do it every once in a while, and they give back. But I always do it. And eventually, I become discontented. Or, something that person does upsets me. Be it over-the-top flirting with someone of the opposite sex or talking with a lot of passion about an ex, I don't speak up and say it bothers me. I keep it in because I can see that they want to be doing that particular thing. Or, it takes me a long time to mention that it upset me. Okay, good example: The Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts. She was engaged to three (?) separate guys and each wedding was other-worldly different from the next. Of course she didn't choose any of them, she ran away from all three weddings. Then the part where Richard Gere talks to each man and asks how Julia's character likes her eggs, and each man has a different answer. She just went with however that particular man preferred his eggs, out of convenience, or something. I feel as though that's a pretty good comparison to my relationship behavior. Seemingly harmless, microscopic changes to suit the new person. But, really, all I'm doing with all of this "perfection" is hurting myself. Really, it doesn't do anybody any good, in the end. 

So, maybe I want to be alone. 

But, I'm just always so goddamned lonely.

The human condition.

As Ingrid would say.

But, I'm always a bit sad and lonely. Whether I'm with family, a lover, my friends. I may be happy, and I usually am, but on the back burner, there it is. My constant companion, my loneliness. 

I don't mean for this to be a sad entry. Nor a pity entry. More of an inevitable one. Releasing and admitting my feelings and terrible tendencies. 

Bittersweet. 

Wishy-Washy Like a Machine on Tumble Dry

I've done it again.

Changed my mind. 

But this time is for sure! (As I'm certain I've said before, but nevertheless).

I'm not moving to Texas. And although I'm a bit sad about it, I've got something else lined up that I'm really excited about. I'm moving- and going to school- in Allendale/Grand Rapids! Grand Valley sent me a letter and I opened it today to find out that their financial aid offer is too good to refuse. I'd been uncertain about college- and a big reason was because of all the debt- but I'll graduate with hardly any now.

More pictures:

My mug I painted with my Aunt over spring break:

 My new glasses and pink hair:

And two new self-portraits:

Self-Portraiture is a Coping Mechanism

For me, at least. 

Mrs. Theresa wouldn't say so.

But, I am definitely not Mrs. Theresa.

I was feeling melancholy earlier today and instead of dealing with my sadness in a negative way, I took some self-portraits. As was promised. Here are the results:

It's been a long time. And in that time, so much has happened. In the past month, I've just been trying to keep my head above water, because for a little while there, I was drowning. But, I have a completely new approach to this thing that I've been fighting off, and- for the most part- it's been working. 

But, on to the things I've neglected to mention in the past two months.

There has been a new addition to the family.

My kitty Lucy! 

I've started taking Yoga classes. And my instructor is amazing! She's 60+ years old and still as flexible and able as ever. She is also a very kind and calming woman. Love her.

I've decided that I'm moving to Texas next year. Whether it be for school or work, I'm not sure yet. But I know that I'm going. A fresh start with lots of new opportunities and things to experience is what I need.

A few people- old and new- have come in and out of my life. It's been very bittersweet. The sweetest being that an old flame, with whom I hadn't spoken with in a very long time, has recently been keeping contact with me and we've become good friends and confidants for each other. But the bitter end falling on the death of an old friend who was only two years my senior. Her passing was unexpected and it gave everyone around her a jolt of realization. Any day could be the last day you say hello- or goodbye- to someone.

Spring Break has come and gone, but it was quite the week. My favorite aunt from Texas came into town to visit my sister and me. We had a blast. We painted pottery, ate lots of yummy food at Heather's (the restaurant afore mentioned in my blog- we went at least three times), went shopping at this adorable store downtown (also ventured there several times), found a dress for the upcoming Prom, played a few terrible- yet fun- games of bowling, and drank gallons of coffee from our favorite coffee shop downtown. It was great.

I'm working on several art projects at the moment. I've been a little busy- and overwhelmed- so they haven't come very far yet, but I'm working on them a little bit at a time. Creating is a big part of who I am. I love it.

And thanks to my aunt, I've been drinking much more water (As is one of my New Year's Goals!). Camelbak water bottles are amazing. I recommend them to anyone- big water drinker or not. Get one. 

And I think that's it. At least for now. This weekend I plan on working on some photography. Not sure what right now, but hopefully inspiration will find me. Speaking of inspiration, I feel as though I should apologize for not ever coming through on my previous entry. I'm sorry. Until next time.

Inspiration

Inspiration has arrived. Tomorrow I have a date with my sister to take some very much needed photos. The past few days I've felt the need to photograph someone and to be photographed. Hopefully, I'll be able to get the (presumably wonderful) pictures up by tomorrow. Finally something interesting! And maybe that will be the start of getting me out of the terrible hole I've been inhabiting.

More good news: my gram is driving up from Florida to see me. I've missed her and her hugs so much. She really does give the best hugs on Earth. She'll be here within the next two days. That itself deserves big smiles.

And thank you, Dove, for telling me on the inside of a chocolate wrapper to "Be good to yourself today" three times out of five chocolates. It meant more than you may ever know.

I Want You,

Travel. 

Yes, you. 

I've been hungering for a big dose of experience. Maybe the Travel Channel being watched every time the TV is turned on is the cause of this. It most likely is. But, that doesn't take away from the fact that I WANT TO TRAVEL. There are so many places I'd like to go that it doesn't much matter whether it's to eat a Voodoo doughnut in Seattle, Washington or to a sandy beach in Barcelona. Just getting away. Visions of gondolas and exotic foods have been swirling in my head while I sleep along with daydreams of vespa rides and midnight salsa clubs have been plaguing me during the day. Heck, I'd even love a visit to Madame Tussauds. That's it: I don't really care where, I just need to get away. Everything around me has been pulling me down into this dark depth and I would love to come out to see the sunshine. 

A Horse Called Henry

In case it hasn't been extremely obvious, I've been a little obsessed with Beatles' song references and titles on here. It just seems fitting. Their music is all over the place not only in emotion but in general; that's how I've been feeling lately. Up and down and upside down.

The weekend is now over. Love Fest- aka The Mid-Michigan Theatre Festival- has come to a close. The show I was in- Mr. Winkler's Birthday Party- went really well. Especially considering all of the trials our production had to go through. Minimal rehearsal time, costume malfunctions, a very large last-minute cast member change, and a downsizing of performances due to weather. It was one crazy trip. But it turned out greatly, and to my immense surprise and satisfaction my stage husband and I received the two outstanding acting awards! We both were so happy that all of our hard work had been appreciated. Okay, now that I'm done bragging, an update:

Previously I posted my list of hopeful accomplishments/experiences for the 2011 year. I have a few revisions.

2. Peru isn't going to happen anymore. So, I simply would like to visit another country this year. (Besides Canada).

3. Move to a bigger city. I'm so conflicted about this one. The goal still stands, but I really have no idea where I'll go. Help!

5. This one needs to be a little tougher. Read at least 30 books instead of 20.

Those are all the changes I have for now, but be aware that the ever-changing mind of me will make many more in the near and distant future.

Lola in lipstick.

My beautiful award.

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

Last week- and the week before it- were very sad weeks for me. I've been in somewhat of a slump lately. And no one wants to sit down at their computer and read an entry that makes them want to go jump off a bridge, so I haven't written in a while. BUT- things have been looking up this week. I have two beloved friends coming to visit this weekend and the festival for my long-awaited play is also beginning at the start of the weekend. Also, there was a blizzard here on Tuesday night and all of my classes for the past two days have been accordingly cancelled. It's been a good week; the kind that makes me glad I'm alive.

After two very kind people shoveled our driveway out, I finally got to leave the house today. Not surprisingly it looked like there had just been a big storm. I was so amused with the huge piles of snow that I couldn't help but take way too many pictures (and even regretfully climb one) of them.

I've been being creative with my old lipsticks lately.

My new 35mm film camera.

That's all I've been inspired by lately, but hopefully this weekend will provide some great opportunities for some better pictures.

Heather's

Yesterday I found a new place. I live in a small town and the neighboring city isn't very large either. So, there aren't many places to eat or shop that aren't a McDonald's or a grocery store. However, my small city does have a very unique and spectacular downtown. There is the largest antique store in the state, lots of vintage shops, several great restaurants and at least one phenomenal coffee house. Downtown is what makes living here tolerable. Enjoyable at times, even. Yesterday I found another place to be happy about. It's a restaurant called Heather's. I am and have been a vegetarian for almost three years now. But with a small town mostly populated by catholic, middle class white folks with an affinity for "normal" and a family that shrieks at the sight of a vegetable, it's been a big challenge for me to stay on track with my dietary cause. Not in the sense that I've been tempted to ward off the path of righteousness (if you will), but in the sense that it's been tough for me to find healthy food that also tastes great. Well, Heather's is a great place for fulfilling both of those desires. It's a vegan restaurant that boasts great meals with no single item on the menu over eight dollars. And, for those patrons who haven't been persuaded toward an animal-free diet, there are non-vegan options as well. It has a lofty feel and a great aura of warmth and welcome. A dear friend and I ventured over there for lunch and we were both very satisfied with our choices. If I were a food critic and had to give Heather's a grade, it would be an A.

                                                 The hummus quiche my friend ordered.

                                      The vegan black bean burger on a delicious kaiser roll
                                                      and fresh guacamole that I ordered.

For anyone who plans on coming to town anytime soon, I recommend taking a visit to Heather's restaurant. It's always the perfect time to stop waiting and try something different.  

Perfect isn't Perfect.

Isn't unrequited love the best? Yes. It is. I'm not trying to sound ignorant here, I just really think that unrequited love has got it going on. It's perfect. When you're not really with the person you think you're in love with, the relationship can be whatever your heart desires it to be like. No problems, no fighting (unless you like that sort of thing), no having to struggle to make it all work out and- my favorite- no disappointment. Unrequited is the only type of love that can achieve that impossible goal- perfection. Except one thing. It's really not perfect at all. Because unrequited love is the worst, too. Mostly because you can't actually be with that person. At the end of the day when you're crawling into the cozy sheets, you're alone. And no matter how much you dream or fantasize, unrequited love always leaves you that way. Cold. Alone. Still wishing for that someone. 

Since this probably seems very random, I should explain. I'm experiencing, and have been for a few months, a case of the joyed- but mostly dreaded- unrequited love. Except, for the person I would like to be with, I'm about seventeen years too young. If you can't guess offhand, here's a hint: I more than periodically feel as though this person is elemental to my happiness. Now that I've given it away...

On a lighter note, tomorrow is el Día de los Tres Reyes! Make it a good one.

A Pledge to Something Kept

As far as I can remember I've never had a real New Year's resolution. Sure, the statement about being more organized or giving up all of my guilty pleasures (like fluff literature or Mr. Goodbars) has been said to satisfy the annual question, but never anything that I really wanted to keep. I'm following the lead from someone I love very much and I'm going to post my goals on here in hopes of being even more motivated to keep them.

                My 2011 Wishes:

1. Taking Yoga classes. An interest of mine never fully pursued. 

2. Go to Peru.

3. Move to a bigger city. Whether it'll be Houston or Grand Rapids, I'm not sure. But it needs to happen.

4. Ace my photography class.

5. Read at least 20 books.

6. Plant a Tree.

7. Adopt another Cactus.

8. Drink more water! I have the terrible habit of letting myself get dehydrated. 

And, so far, that's it. As the year goes on I'm sure that I'll think of more to pursue, but for now I'm content with my eight. 

L.A.M.

My name is Lola.

Photography is one of my- as you'll soon learn- many passions. It's hard for me to not like something. Although photography is extra special to me. I'd like to share that particular joy with you. I figured that a blog is the perfect place for that. That is my hope for this: to share my love of taking pictures with whoever would like to know. Maybe even to spark an appreciation of photography in someone else. And as I go along I'm bound to incorporate a little more than that. Here's to the New Year and a new experience.